


The Second Countdown

by ChokolatteJedi



Series: Slaps That Never Happened [3]
Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Anticipation, Face Slapping, Gen, Yuletide, Yuletide New Year's Resolutions Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-27
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-15 19:25:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/530840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokolatteJedi/pseuds/ChokolatteJedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barney recieves a suspicious message</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Second Countdown

**Author's Note:**

  * For [r_lee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/r_lee/gifts).



> So this was originally going to be a "five times" fic, except that there were only three, and two of them were longer, complete stories in their own right. And they didn't quite fit together anymore. So I thought the best thing to do was post them as separate stories in a series of slaps that never happened. I hope you enjoy. :D

Barney was goofing off at work when an instant message alert popped up on his computer. "Sylvestor Luis Albertos-Padilla?" he mumbled. "Is that the name of the guy on the Foghorn contract?"

Opening the message, he simply saw a number. _21:02:00:00_. A moment later, another one followed. _21:02:59:30_. As the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach began to grow, another message appeared. _I'll see you then._

As the message winked away, Barney's fingers moved against his own will and typed in the address. A smooth female voice greeted him, "Hello Mr. Stinson. You have exactly twenty-one days, two hours, fifty eight minutes, and seventeen seconds until your next slap. Have a nice day."

Barney stared at the red countdown clock as it once again ticked slowly down to his doom.

))0((

Three weeks later, Barney was sitting in his office again, trying not to sweat at he stared at the computer screen. Marshall had acted completely normal in the last few days, making no references to the slap that was coming, unlike the last time. And yet, every time that he checked the countdown website, that damn voice calmly told him that his next slap was drawing nearer.

Barney had seriously considered leaving the country today, but his passport was temporarily revoked for reasons that were so not awesome. He kept trying to convince himself that it was better to get it over with, but it wasn't helping.

"Mr. Stinson, you have exactly zero days, zero hours, five minutes, and zero seconds until your next slap. Are you ready?" The computer sounded smug somehow, and Barney wanted to strangle it.

Quickly he pressed the intercom button. "Annie, or whatever your name is, I don't want any visitors for the next hour, is that clear?" he babbled.

"It's Loren," the new receptionist replied huffily, "and it's too late. I've already sent someone back to your office just a second ago."

"Well you have to stop them!" Barney insisted. "Call security or something! Save me!"

"Right away, sir," Lindsey replied sarcastically.

His eyes strayed towards the computer compulsively and Barney gulped. Three minutes and forty-one seconds left.

"Have you called security yet?" He demanded of the intercom.

"Sure." Lola responded.

"You haven't called them at all!" Barney realized. "Why are you doing this to me? Is it just because I can't remember your name?"

There was a long pause, while the clock ticked down, before Nora finally replied. "Actually, your friend paid me fifty bucks to ignore your calls for the next five minutes."

Barney whimpered.

"Have a nice day Mr. Simpson."

"Stinson!" He corrected automatically.

"Mr. Stinson, you have exactly zero days, zero hours, one minutes, and zero seconds until your next slap. You should prepare yourself." The computer declared.

"Oh God!" Barney sunk down in his chair, his eyes flicking desperately between the computer screen and the door. Somewhere out there, Marshall was coming for him.

Thirty seconds left.

"Hey Barney!"

"Ahhh!" Barney screamed as Marshall poked his head in the door.

"Woah, calm down," Marshall smiled widely. "What's got you so wound up?"

"Nothing!" Barney's voice was slightly on the shrill side, but he refused to think of it as crying.

He glanced at the screen. Thirteen. Twelve. Eleven. Ten. Ten. Ten.

"Wha?"

The countdown froze, blinking, with ten seconds left. Suddenly a message scrolled across the screen. "Abort code implemented. Countdown halted. Your slap has been delayed. Have a nice day."

"Hey, Ted and Lily are waiting downstairs. We were wondering if you wanted to go out to lunch with us," Marshall sounded as though he had no idea what had just happened. He was so innocent that Barney almost believed him.

Almost.

"I'm not going anywhere with you, you devious bastard!" he shouted.

And Marshall just grinned.


End file.
